• Welcome

    This is our corner of the Internet. We're happy here. We're definitely "we" -- this blog is a group project. We all post as "My Own". This is where we write the things we can't say on our own blogs for one reason or another. We hope you like it here as much as we do. We hope you'll stick around.

    Buton

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    3
    Online Dating
    I am separated after several years of marriage, I have kids, it is not easy for me to get out and meet men.  Where do I go?  Who do I go with?  My friends are all attached and I am too big a chicken to go out on my own.  So I thought I'd try online dating.

    Creepy guys with nice pictures and profiles make sexual advances online - ewww.  I asked one guy if it works and he said yes, he meets more women through online dating than he would in the bar - shock!  I did a search for women locally and they seem normal, like me, recognized a couple - will I get so desperate one day as to take one of those creeps up on his offer?

    Guys who seem nice through online chatting are too chicken to meet in person - REALLY!?!  If you want an online relationship why are you chatting with women within 75km of your home?  If I want an online relationship that I don't ever plan to develop in real life I will certainly choose someone out of country!

    I live in a small town so one of my initial fears quickly became a reality - someone recognized me.  Someone with a vague profile and no picture who wrote that he works in the same building as I do... Stalker?  Deleted my profile!  A friend helped me track him down, I met him for coffee and suggested he not do that again - nice guy with a relationship history far more complex than my own (which is pretty complex, I'm not denying it).  I don't think we'll see each other again other than to say Hi when waiting for the elevator.

    I know several people now who have married the person they met online, so I had to try again.  

    This time I made a vague profile and used a landscape picture instead of a personal one ( a no-no in the online dating world, you can be reported ).  It gave me an immense sense of freedom.  I sent several messages telling men they had awful profile pictures, the sorry looking guys who've taken pictures of themselves with webcams, the guy in the Hustler t-shirt, the guy using a picture of a blender instead of himself.  I chatted with other divorced/separated men, yeah, all they wanted to do was chat - no suggestion to meet, no request for a picture - do they really feel that online relationships can fulfill something that relationships in real life cannot?  Creepy guys didn't contact me beyond suggesting I post a picture.  

    The range of people using online dating has truly astounded me.  I was expecting to be the target market, 30-something starting over.  People from 20 to 65, all races, various levels of employment/salaries, relationship histories.  There are a lot of lonely people in the world.

    I learned how to search various ways, who has looked at my profile, who is new, who fits my criteria, it was a good learning experience.  I've learned that many men do not know what country or state/province they live in or are unable to select it correctly in the online application.  Seriously!  What hope do they have of EVER meeting someone online?

    I chatted with a guy via Instant Messaging - not many actually seem to use that feature.  We were having a nice enough chat and then the small town syndrome reared it's head again - he works with my ex, buh-bye.

    Eventually I had to put my real picture up.  It did not seem fair that some people put themselves out there and I act like an online heckler.  The creeps have returned.  

    I met a guy for coffee, he was nice but seemed overwhelmed by the fact that I have children and am an employed professional - did he not read my profile?

    I've reached a status quo, no substantial chatting.  Unfortunately my OCD tendencies have left me unable to stop checking for messages or searching for new guys.  Debating on deleting my profile but what if Mr. Right signs up tomorrow?

    I am building a real social network again.  Asking friends to introduce me to their other single friends.  Having a real social life is much more rewarding then life online but life online can continue without much effort.

    0
    FML
    Things My Husband Says: "You should get your breasts done. That would be a good gift for me. I mean for you."
    2
    The Art of Sexism
    I think the hiring managers at my place of employment need some lessons in the art of sexism.
     
    We've had an opening in our division for months - seven months. The doofus who has been assigned to fill the gap is singularly incompetent and unresponsive, and his customers complain constantly. So the leadership team finally get around to posting the job and interviewing candidates, and make a final selection. The decision goes up to the division Director, and he decides that the woman his leadership team selected isn't "young and hungry" enough. And he selects some twenty-something with less than ten years experience in our industry. To handle demanding, manipulative accounts worth millions of dollars.
     
    So the senior leadership team basically passes over a qualified, older female candidate in favor of a less qualified, younger male candidate. And guess who's going to be burdened with this entitled, know-nothing snot as he takes months and years to come up to speed? Yeah. That would be me.
     
    It wouldn't be so damn insulting if they hadn't been so utterly blatent about the whole thing. They didn't even try to hide what they were doing. I know I shouldn't be surprised - the division has only 20% women associates, and no women in leadership positions, a demonstrable lack of commitment to gender diversity. But it still pisses me off.
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    Still here
    It's me. One of the people who was quitting their job. There are three of us, if I've got the "voices" down correctly.

    I quit. I actually did it. I quit and I took another job.

    Before I left, I went through all of my old files, putting everything in place for the new person even though I knew it would take anyone else ages to make their way through it.

    And what I noticed was how much more empowered I felt only three years ago. It came through in the way I wrote about things, in the way I did my job. I wrote things then that I wouldn't have dreamed of writing toward the end of my time there. It wasn't because I was foolish and youthful, it was because I knew that I was trusted to do my job well.

    It was very eye-opening, and it made me sure that I'd made the right decision. I wouldn't have had that confirmation if I hadn't decided to leave. I mean, how often do you go through all of your old files?

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