• Welcome

    This is our corner of the Internet. We're happy here. We're definitely "we" -- this blog is a group project. We all post as "My Own". This is where we write the things we can't say on our own blogs for one reason or another. We hope you like it here as much as we do. We hope you'll stick around.


  • I have a date tonight :) :) :)

    I *really* like this guy. We've seen each other off and on since August. The past month has been off... I was really hurt he wasn't contacting me. This was the third and longest stretch of me not hearing from him.

    Is my excitement about seeing him a sign of how crazy about him I am? Or is it a sign of how crazy I am to open myself up to be hurt again?

    I work hard on not being hung up on him, even dating other people. Unfortunately those dates end with me missing him.

    We are so comfortable around one another. Humour is not easy for me but I make him laugh and he makes me laugh. We can talk about very serious topics as though we've known each other for years.

    What is most strange is that when I'm having a bad day and we're on, he makes me talk, helps me feel better even though I've tried to push him away. When we're on, he's the best boyfriend ever. When we're off, I get all bent outta shape, takes a few days for me to straighten myself up again - I did it a little quicker this last time then previous times but it was also a much longer period of non-contact.

    Even reflecting on our off times, I cannot restrain my excitement - I am SO looking forward to seeing him tonight :) :) :)

    Yesterday, my husband told me that he gets annoyed when I get home before him and don’t leave the door unlocked for him because that makes it just *that* little bit longer before he can see me… how can I not adore this man??

    I know someone who's a bigot. His bigotry is limited to the LGBT community, and because of it, I don't like him much. He's not a friend - I have a strict policy about being friends with people who engage in bigotry, but he is a member of a larger circle of people with whom I spend time. I avoid him as much as I can, and I tolerate him on the periphery of my life in order to maintain the cohesion of the group.
    He's also a vociferous conservative who despises the current President of the United States. And here's my conundrum: Does he despise the President because Barack Obama is a conservative Democrat, or does he despise the President because Barack Obama is black? I don't automatically assume that white, male conservatives who oppose the President are racist, but in this case I wonder. If someone indulges in the kind of sloppy thinking and knee-jerk emotionalism that leads to bigotry against one group, it's not a very hard stretch for me to see them doing so against another.
    I guess it doesn't really matter. If someone is a bigot, it doesn't make it better or any more acceptable if their prejudice is limited to one group as opposed to spreading their hate out like a shotgun blast. They're still a bigot, and I still don't want them in my life.
    Hello secret blog, this is the online dating girl with the yummie love
    The steamy man and I have agreed that we will "hide" our profiles from
    the rest of the wide world, and "focus on each other" (his words, not
    I think this is the online dating equivalent of being "pinned" or
    "going steady" in middle school.

    And since this is the confessional...

    A few months ago, before I swore off online dating the last time, I
    remember seeing this guy's profile. I even think I might have sent him
    a message. And then maybe the next day or the day after, I deleted my
    account because yet again the only people contacting me were 20+ years
    older and married.

    I wonder if he recognized me, because this time around, he contacted
    me. He's the one that's been going out on all the limbs here. It's
    never this way.

    Which leaves me fearing the following:
    - he is clearly way too attractive for me
    - I'm better in 2D than 3D
    - My photos make me look thinner than I really am

    Okay well since I hear you people like these diary of a single gal posts.
    I just joined a (stupid) dating site (again) tonite, and the most gorgeous guy in the world seems to be interested.
    Look at this guy! Holy crap!
    I've been single for awhile. Having the occasional fling here be there. Nothing serious but fun when need it.
    One of the flings continues though. We met in the strangest of places, at this cheesy tourist venue. I was instantly attracted to him, though it was 90% physical. He doesn't fit any of my criteria for a relationship. We don't really have much in common. He's a country boy. Works on cars, works in the oil rigs. I'm a professional university educated career woman.
    The one time we got together I worried about us having nothing in common. Nothing to talk about. We would just sit in painful silence. I was wrong. We still didn't have anything in common but got to know each other. Had some good sex. He surprised me in some ways. He was courteous, thoughtful, kind. Rinsed the dishes after supper. Pulled me close to him on the couch. For a first/second date it was very relationship like.
    Because life happens fast he left the next month for work and has been away since. I only saw him the one time.
    But be sends me a text most mornings. Says goodnight most evenings. We don't talk on the phone really. Mostly by text but we're in touch most days. It's not profound philosophical discussion. But it is the closest I've come to a relationships in years.
    We're not exclusive. I'm not dating anyone right now but I'm not NOT accepting offers.
    I wish he didn't live an 11 hr drive away. I didn't know if or when I'll see him again. Maybe December.
    He keeps in touch with me more than I do with him. And he said to me once that he's sorry we didn't have more time before he left, but we have a whole lifetime to get to know one another and that he hopes I want that too.
    But he's not the kind of guy I ever saw myself with. I don't know how much we really have in common besides one another. I'm book smart. He rides a horse and his cars are his babies. But I can't lie... When we were together it was comfortable.
    he's the most gorgeous man I have ever dated/been with. And he's equally hot for me. Which is incredibly flattering since I have terrible self esteem.
    But am I settling?
    I changed jobs last year, one of the best choices I ever made. My old job was poorly managed and overwhelming. I feel valued at my new job, I enjoy going to work again.

    Two of the guys I trained at my old job are still there. They now have new management and are no longer overwhelmed. I also see their clients occassionally, they miss me and find the guys I trained are not truly engaged in helping them. They both got raises.

    In my new job I have one project, it is HUGE. In my first few months I made a 2-year work plan, over the year I've realized many obstacles and new elements have been uncovered - I think I'll need to revise my workplan to be 4-5 years. I've accomplished more in my one year then my predeccessor did in their entire history with the company.

    I work mostly with two people who support my work in an arms length kind of way - they both make more than I do, in fact one of them was recently promoted so I recieve less support now as their responsibilities grow and they make even more.

    What am I doing wrong that my work grows but not my pay check?

    Okay, so I’m still not knocked up.  We’re working through it, bought some books, going to the doctor, taking my temperature, etc etc, but what I need help with is… how the HELL do I stop thinking about it?!  It’s all well and good for people to say “Oh, just stop thinking about it and it’ll happen!”  (I also want to kick those people.)  But it’s freakin’ HARD to stop thinking about it.  Please?  Tell me how I can stop obsessing about this – it’s starting to make me really crazy.  I’m genuinely asking for some coping strategies or something that has helped any of you who may have been in a similar position… because I’m out of answers now and I’m tired of crying and being angry about it - but I’m having trouble seeing my way forward through the blur of tears.  In the meantime, I may have a glass of wine (or 3.)  (Have to search for that silver lining.)

    I am sick of favours not going both ways.  I don't mind helping others, but I am getting increasingly frustrated because this always seems to be a one way street.  Yet, I never say no because I am afraid of upsetting anyone.  
    Ever go to the doctor cause you have a cough or a rash and you have to wait a few days for your appointment and you don't even realize it's cleared up till you go to show the doctor, or even worse, it returns the next day?

    This happens to me often, with tech support, the mechanic, my doctor - you name it, I've felt like the boy who cried wolf under MANY circumstances!

    Well lately, everything I've needed to demonstrate as being "wrong", I've been able to demonstrate at the right time, to the right person. The outcome has not always been easy to deal with but at least I'm able to ask for the right help and get it.

    It's me again, the middle-aged chick with the libido of a teenaged boy...

    I was reading about herbal remedies today, in the section for sexual aids it described cloves and ginger as sexual stimulants...

    Should I stop drinking Chai tea, stop eating ginger beef and sushi with pickled ginger?

    - OR -

    Should I find myself a man and feed him copious quantities of all three?

    Option two is far more tempting!

    ...about making more money than I ever thought I would? The opportunity to indulge in "just because" gifts for people I care for. For me, there's no better feeling than showing my regard for people in a tangible way, for no other reason than I want to. Perhaps because I had my share of years when simply buying a birthday gift for someone required a major budgetary shift.
    I'm profoundly grateful for my financial security for all the usual reasons, but this? This gives me JOY.
    This week at work, I found myself in a difficult situation.  I witnessed something that was very wrong and very upsetting.  As it was a police matter, I contacted the police, however thankfully (?) the situation did not escalate to the point where their presence was required.

    I consulted with two different officers... what can I do the next time, if this were to happen again.

    I have a plan in place and hopefully, it's the correct plan.  Hopefully, it's what I should do.  

    But I can't help but feeling I SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE.  Doing more could have put me in direct harm, but it would have helped others, had the situation escalated.

    I have thought about it so much... what happened, what should I have done.

    After much thought and consultation with friends, colleagues, police, I realized who would know EXACTLY what to do.  The shitty part is that person is gone.  After two years, he is no longer the first person I think of when I need help.  For weeks, months after he died, I came to realize how very much I relied on him.  Questions, thoughts, comments, opinions could always be gained.  And they were amazing opinions/suggestions.  He had such a vast supply of life experiences to draw from and helped so, so, so, so many people.  He was sooo good.

    Give the people you care about and love an extra hug today.  People always say it, but it's true - when they're gone, it will be too late.

    I didn't get the interview.  It was a job I thought I was totally, perfectly qualified for.   It was a ray of hope in an otherwise very uncertain time.  I wanted it.  A lot.  And it hadn't occurred to me I wouldn't even get interviewed.  Now I'm wondering why.  Slightly paranoid:  does someone there not want me there?   More realistic:  As requested, I'd stated my salary expectations.  Were they too high?   Also more realistic:  I'd sent off my cover letter and resume when I was extremely fatigued and didn't explicitly (but I did implicitly!) spell out how I met their requirements.   In any case, it's thrown me.  I have about 6 months to find work before things start to become quite concerning.  That's a long time, I know, but still...
    I didn't get the job I wanted.

    I'm disappointed.

    But I'm not disappointed about the job but rather what it now means. What it means is that I will begin to look for employment outside of the organization I currently work for. My plan was to do a lateral move within the organization. It did not happen. Time to move on. So for now, I'm keeping my eyes and ears open for new opportunities. But there's more...

    I also feel betrayed. This is because one of my references was not only part of the interviewing panel, but was also part of today's meeting telling me I did not get the job. WTF?!

    Why would someone accept to be my reference when they have no intention of advocating in my favour?

    What a fucking bitch thing to do, eh?

    But is EVERYONE on Facebook friggin’ pregnant, except for me?  Even the woman I know who gives her 18 month child Fanta Orange in his bottle and says (upon seeing my unmasked horror) – “It’s okay.  I shook it first to get rid of the bubbles.”  She’s bloody knocked up with her second!  Ugh.


    I am just callous in thinking that people on social assistance should not have pets?

    I know someone raising their three kids while on social assistance.  They have three dogs, two cats, a bird and now they are getting a little rodent as well.

    Couldn't their social assistance money be better spent? 
    About 4 years ago I took a job on the other side of the country. It
    was too far from family so I only lasted 6 months before I moved
    closer to my family.

    I was working as an IT consultant for a large company but my team was
    very small, our client quite specialized so we needed a little extra
    tech support. I got along well with my main tech support guy but we
    weren't social - never went for lunch or coffee together or anything,
    I don't even think we talked at the Christmas party. He did seem a
    little more chatty my last couple weeks, I thought cause I was moving
    so far and most of my co-workers were lifetime home town kinda people
    - it made me interesting.

    So last year this tech guy finds me on LinkedIn - cool, I wanted to
    build up my contacts from that job, I may not have been there long but
    I left with glowing references and they were sad to lose me.

    Then he started following me on Twitter...

    Then he tracked me down on Facebook...

    I didn't think anything of it but it is progressively getting strange...

    He direct messaged me to say Happy Valentine's Day, I tweet that I'm
    craving chocolate and he Facebooks a picture of chocolate to me, I
    mention being out dancing and he direct messages that he'd dance with
    me... so I ask if he treats all past co-workers this way? He
    responds, "only the cute one".

    I double check his Facebook profile - engaged with 2 young kids.

    He can't seriously be flirting with me from the other side of the
    country? Can he?

    What is he doing? Should I be flattered or uncomfortable?

    Makes me think I share too much online. If someone were to read all
    my tweets they'd know me pretty well. I vent, mourn, rejoice and share
    mundane details of my life. Only keeping a few relationships private.
    My instinct was to tweet about this guy but he follows my twitter...

    I've had bizarre people crush on me in the past but this is new
    territory for me. Should I delete & block his online view of my life?
    Is it harmless? Should I just continue with the status quo?

    ...but I couldn't think of a metered rhyme for "they can all go fuck themselves."
    I had given up online dating for a couple of months but the lonliness
    got the better of me and after browsing local singles and seeing that
    there were new faces I am trying again.

    I am keeping my profile vague and faceless but sending my picture to
    anyone who asks. Conversations are better than last attempt I think
    because I'm less forward about wanting to meet in real life. So then,
    where does that leave me - with more reasons to spend time online with

    Interestingly enough the guy who works in my building was all about
    messaging me when I went back online - until he figured out it's me.
    I asked him in person if he dates a lot of women he meets online cause
    I was surprised he messaged me so quickly, he said no, there is never
    anyone new.... makes me wonder if he is one of those guys who uses it
    as their personal booty call service....

    Wish me luck, apparently - I need it!

    Okay here's one for the books.
    A friend of mine is in an open marriage, and has been since the beginning of the marriage.
    She believes she's polyamorous. He's okay with that.

    Recently the two decided to split up. The friend is moving out. Has a new apartment, the whole shebang.

    Today, I get a message from said friend saying:

    -Wesis asking me if you are off limits. FYI he thinks your pretty

    Not sure what to say I responded I was flattered. Nothing more. Was surprised, but in the middle of something else. Left it at that.

    -Haha yep he likes you quite a bit. He wants your number.

    I'm on good terms with Wes. He's a good man. We're quite similar. He recently talked me through a rough night. Sure I like him. I'd even consider dating him if he wasn't my friend's husband.

    But he is married to my friend.

    And that is just too weird for me.

    I think.

    I really have no idea why I allow people I don't even like to hurt me so much.

    That's all, really.

    I went on a GREAT date with a GREAT guy. He is still interested in me, we've had a couple awkward email exchanges, phone calls and a run in, which is much like the encounters I had with him prior to our date. But he is uncomfortable and intimidated, it's obvious. I feel like if we had another date we could talk and decide that maybe there is something worth pursuing or decide that no, it's absolutely not going to work. But pushing for that second date just makes me all the more intimidating.

    I know he is an intelligent, confident man in the rest of his life. I am not an intimidating person, at least I never thought so. A "recent" divorce on his side might have him behaving with added caution (recent being within the last 2 years).

    I can't stop thinking about but don't know what to do...

    "Have you been drinking? We're going to go do work at the RCMP, remember? So, uh, you're going to be OK to go?"
    I don't have to hear any bitching about the things I post here.

    Sorry for being such a downer. I am just really frustrated lately.

    You know, if you don't like my Facebook posts, you can click the little button that turns them off. It's simple and immediate.

    On the other hand, if I have to 1) hear about your bitching and 2) block you, well, that's a two-step process.

    I started throwing up yesterday, seemingly out of the blue.  I tried not to get my hopes up and told myself it was the tummy bug that was going around… When I threw up again today, I allowed myself to hope.  (I wouldn’t have bothered hoping if my boobs hadn’t been sore all week)  I stayed home from work and zipped to the grocery store and bought some tests.  I peed on the stick.  Sadly, after 10 months of trying, there’s still only one, single, stupid line.  One day, I swear, I’m going to lose my patience and I’m going to throw that damn stick across the bathroom if it doesn’t give me that bloody double line.  So as it stands, today I’m home from work and simply sick.  Not pregnant.  (And I’m still bloody throwing up.  Not happy about this.) 

    Surprisingly enough, painting has resumed. As it turned out, everyone was on the same page with paint colour all along. Yay!

    Today's complaints:

    1. There were grammar mistakes on the agenda posted: used "capitol" instead of "capital" and used "revue" instead of "review."

    Two months ago, the board approved the budget. Part of that budget included funds for painting. After much discussion, colours were chosen. Clear directions were given.

    Today, walls were primed and ready to be painted. At tonight's meeting, someone makes the following point: if we use that colour, we'll also have to re-do the elevator walls and door frames. This will result in too big an expense. Painting must stop until we review the colour scheme.

    *sigh* I wonder how long before painting resumes.

    Just because you can legally obtain the information you requested, from the Lands and Titles department, doesn't mean we are obliged to provide it. We will not publish a list. We are a volunteer board. No one wants extra paperwork and paying someone to do it isn't a justifiable expense. Why should every other owner pay to get paperwork you can easily obtain yourself? If you're so worried about "who my neighbours are," invite them over for drinks. Bake them a cake, or something. Yeesh! Go fuck yourself, already, and STOP EMAILING ME!
    There is a woman in our small town that I don't like very much.  She insults the work that I do and she is always going on about how wonderful her and her children are.

    Yet, I cannot bring myself to delete her from my facebook account. 

    I feel like I will offend her if I do.  Then I feel silly that I am so worried about her feelings when it is obvious she cares nothing for mine.

    I have got to stop trying to please people.

    And is it wrong that I kind of like stalking her on facebook to see what she is up to?

    I need a life.
    I had heard in the past that a womans libido peaks around middle age but I never believed it.  I've been sexually active a pretty long time but I had always thought if I never had sex again, I wouldn't miss it.  Well, I miss it... A LOT!
    It is entirely hormonal, I can predict its timing with my menstral cycle, it lasts about TWENTY-ONE DAYS!
    It has become an all consuming day dream, did you ever see that movie "40 Days and 40 Nights" with Josh Hartnett?  I can relate.to his character in that movie.  I can be talking to someone and imagine them having sex with their partner - I would NEVER wish to see that!!!
    I find myself longing for college days when promisucuity was rampant. 
    Is there a place for women like me to... fulfill themselves?  Ugh, I feel creepy just asking the question! 
    Am I becoming a Cougar?
    I had a dream last night that a new friend (we have only known each other for about a year) committed suicide.  It was very vivid and in the dream I was spending a lot of time console her husband and helping him with his daughters. 

    So do I tell my friend about this dream?  Or would that just make me seem like a crazy person?
    I like to make things.  I put a lot of my time and energy into making these things look nice.

    A family member of mine asked me to make something for her (for free, of course).  So I spent a number of hours making it for her and mailed it off.

    She gets it, and doesn't even call to thank me.  I had to call her and find out if it had ever arrived.  Now I wonder if she will ever even use it.

    From here on out if family members want something I make, I think I am going to ask them to buy it first.

    I guess that makes me a bitch, right?
    It's me, girl-who-liked-the-guy-in-the-chair and girl-who-gave-up-on-guy-in-the-chair.
    So funny story.

    Guy-in-the-chair and I now run in the same social circle. Mostly because his cousin is one of my closest friends here.
    So I actually see him on average once a week.

    I ran into him at the local farmer's market this morning. And today, six months after first going gaga over the guy, I gave him my number.
    By total accident.
    And without thinking about it in the least.

    The funny part?

    When I asked him if he had my number he said "no, I don't think I got it after that time we went out for drinks"

    I over-thought it so much at the time, I was so anxious, I couldn't move and wouldn't DARE actually ask him out.
    I'm lame.

    I am separated after several years of marriage, I have kids, it is not easy for me to get out and meet men.  Where do I go?  Who do I go with?  My friends are all attached and I am too big a chicken to go out on my own.  So I thought I'd try online dating.

    Creepy guys with nice pictures and profiles make sexual advances online - ewww.  I asked one guy if it works and he said yes, he meets more women through online dating than he would in the bar - shock!  I did a search for women locally and they seem normal, like me, recognized a couple - will I get so desperate one day as to take one of those creeps up on his offer?

    Guys who seem nice through online chatting are too chicken to meet in person - REALLY!?!  If you want an online relationship why are you chatting with women within 75km of your home?  If I want an online relationship that I don't ever plan to develop in real life I will certainly choose someone out of country!

    I live in a small town so one of my initial fears quickly became a reality - someone recognized me.  Someone with a vague profile and no picture who wrote that he works in the same building as I do... Stalker?  Deleted my profile!  A friend helped me track him down, I met him for coffee and suggested he not do that again - nice guy with a relationship history far more complex than my own (which is pretty complex, I'm not denying it).  I don't think we'll see each other again other than to say Hi when waiting for the elevator.

    I know several people now who have married the person they met online, so I had to try again.  

    This time I made a vague profile and used a landscape picture instead of a personal one ( a no-no in the online dating world, you can be reported ).  It gave me an immense sense of freedom.  I sent several messages telling men they had awful profile pictures, the sorry looking guys who've taken pictures of themselves with webcams, the guy in the Hustler t-shirt, the guy using a picture of a blender instead of himself.  I chatted with other divorced/separated men, yeah, all they wanted to do was chat - no suggestion to meet, no request for a picture - do they really feel that online relationships can fulfill something that relationships in real life cannot?  Creepy guys didn't contact me beyond suggesting I post a picture.  

    The range of people using online dating has truly astounded me.  I was expecting to be the target market, 30-something starting over.  People from 20 to 65, all races, various levels of employment/salaries, relationship histories.  There are a lot of lonely people in the world.

    I learned how to search various ways, who has looked at my profile, who is new, who fits my criteria, it was a good learning experience.  I've learned that many men do not know what country or state/province they live in or are unable to select it correctly in the online application.  Seriously!  What hope do they have of EVER meeting someone online?

    I chatted with a guy via Instant Messaging - not many actually seem to use that feature.  We were having a nice enough chat and then the small town syndrome reared it's head again - he works with my ex, buh-bye.

    Eventually I had to put my real picture up.  It did not seem fair that some people put themselves out there and I act like an online heckler.  The creeps have returned.  

    I met a guy for coffee, he was nice but seemed overwhelmed by the fact that I have children and am an employed professional - did he not read my profile?

    I've reached a status quo, no substantial chatting.  Unfortunately my OCD tendencies have left me unable to stop checking for messages or searching for new guys.  Debating on deleting my profile but what if Mr. Right signs up tomorrow?

    I am building a real social network again.  Asking friends to introduce me to their other single friends.  Having a real social life is much more rewarding then life online but life online can continue without much effort.

    Things My Husband Says: "You should get your breasts done. That would be a good gift for me. I mean for you."
    I think the hiring managers at my place of employment need some lessons in the art of sexism.
    We've had an opening in our division for months - seven months. The doofus who has been assigned to fill the gap is singularly incompetent and unresponsive, and his customers complain constantly. So the leadership team finally get around to posting the job and interviewing candidates, and make a final selection. The decision goes up to the division Director, and he decides that the woman his leadership team selected isn't "young and hungry" enough. And he selects some twenty-something with less than ten years experience in our industry. To handle demanding, manipulative accounts worth millions of dollars.
    So the senior leadership team basically passes over a qualified, older female candidate in favor of a less qualified, younger male candidate. And guess who's going to be burdened with this entitled, know-nothing snot as he takes months and years to come up to speed? Yeah. That would be me.
    It wouldn't be so damn insulting if they hadn't been so utterly blatent about the whole thing. They didn't even try to hide what they were doing. I know I shouldn't be surprised - the division has only 20% women associates, and no women in leadership positions, a demonstrable lack of commitment to gender diversity. But it still pisses me off.
    It's me. One of the people who was quitting their job. There are three of us, if I've got the "voices" down correctly.

    I quit. I actually did it. I quit and I took another job.

    Before I left, I went through all of my old files, putting everything in place for the new person even though I knew it would take anyone else ages to make their way through it.

    And what I noticed was how much more empowered I felt only three years ago. It came through in the way I wrote about things, in the way I did my job. I wrote things then that I wouldn't have dreamed of writing toward the end of my time there. It wasn't because I was foolish and youthful, it was because I knew that I was trusted to do my job well.

    It was very eye-opening, and it made me sure that I'd made the right decision. I wouldn't have had that confirmation if I hadn't decided to leave. I mean, how often do you go through all of your old files?


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