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    This is our corner of the Internet. We're happy here. We're definitely "we" -- this blog is a group project. We all post as "My Own". This is where we write the things we can't say on our own blogs for one reason or another. We hope you like it here as much as we do. We hope you'll stick around.


  • My father died of cancer, this week I have a test scheduled for the very same cancer. The test could also find a couple of other things but my fear is that they will find cancer and I will go through awful treatments and still die in a couple short years. What will my kids do without me? Loved ones? Everyone I know? My work that is finally going in a good direction? My pets? Eight days between when the test was scheduled and the test itself - fast by any standard for a "non-urgent" test. I'm up to day 4 and it is already getting hard to keep myself together. I want to curl up in a ball and cry. Instead I keep myself very busy and distracted, my house will be clean by the time the test happens. In a weird way, cancer is familiar and them finding something else is foreign and scary too. More scary still is that they find nothing and I go on feeling rotten as I have the past 6 months - wow, it's getting to be a LONG time... it is likely that whatever the result I still need a more invasive test soon too, more waiting, more fear.

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