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    This is our corner of the Internet. We're happy here. We're definitely "we" -- this blog is a group project. We all post as "My Own". This is where we write the things we can't say on our own blogs for one reason or another. We hope you like it here as much as we do. We hope you'll stick around.


  • A friend of a friend got me using the word boyscouting - I love it!

    Wednesday I saw a handsome gentleman at a restaurant I met friends at. Cause I met my friends, I didn't make time for small talk, but he lit up when I smiled at him and when I saw him leave he seemed disappointed we hadn't chatted.

    Today I was not feeling great but had to get a couple errands done. I saw him again but wasn't up for small talk. Totally felt like he was checking me out, I certainly wasn't at my best. Now that I'm feeling better I'm kicking myself for not introducing myself and getting his number.

    How to randomly meet again... guess I'm going boyscouting!
    Do you ever feel like things are going too well? How long can this continue? Is something terrible just around the corner? Will I be diagnosed with cancer after those labs tests I did following that check up where I was so pleased with boring, normal banter? Will a family member suffer some terrible injury performing a routine task?

    If only I could just enjoy the peace in my life instead of dreading the future...

    What if the future continues to be uneventful? What if the future has greater happiness in store for me?

    Why am I worrying so much?
    Have you heard of Brené Brown? She has two TED Talks, one on vulnerability and one on shame. She also has two books, "I Thought it was Just Me" and "Daring Greatly."

    These talks and books have helped me change my life. I have more confidence in myself, I am a much better parent and I hope I am a better friend.

    In addition to growing emotionally, my health has dramatically improved, what drew me to Brené's work also drew me to make other changes in my life. Recently I decided to try a couple of sports in addition to my independent walking, running & hiking.

    I never understood how an athlete could lose so often and keep trying. I've realized that athletes lose so often and don't let it get them down and keep optimistic, to be able to try again. I realized that in the past when I played sports I could never stop from getting down, from feeling that sense of doom, from feeling like I let my team down.

    I had someone score against me. My initial thoughts were:
    I suck
    I let my team down
    I should stop playing
    I'm never going to be any good

    For the first time ever I've been able to change my thoughts and accept support from my teammates:
    The score is X:Y, I might have allowed one goal but my teammates let in X-1 and they keep trying. I made a good pass there. I made a good block there. My teammates said, "Good job!" "Good play!" - and I believe they are being sincere. And though I'm still a little overwhelmed by the high speed and close contact, it feels amazing that I'm keeping up! I know I'll get better so long as I keep trying and stay optimistic the same way everyone on my team is - playing sports as an adult is a choice, no one has to play as part of gym class or give into peer pressure - everyone is coming out cause it feels good to be a part of it!

    Playing sports and not being the star player, making mistakes and not being perfect is the most liberating feeling I've ever had! It's like I've unlocked the door to a jail I had put myself in!

    That I am REALLY lusting after my husband (more so than usual?)  I’ve obviously always found him quite attractive but entering my final trimester of pregnancy, I look at him and I’m ready to rip his clothes off and jump on him.  I feel like the Big Bad Wolf, leering greedily at Red Riding Hood!

    Ten years ago I was pregnant for the first time and I gained a whopping 70 pounds! I never lost all that weight and less than two years later I gave birth a second time surpassing my highest weight ever. Again, I never lost all the weight.

    When my youngest was 18 months old I went on the South Beach Diet and I made it down to 10 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight but I felt AWFUL.... within 6 months I regained 30 pounds and gradually over the years it climbed with my stress levels.

    At one point at a loss for what to try that would not make me feel awful like a diet or be too much of a time burden or expense I tried a hypnosis CD and book. You might laugh at this cause how can you think yourself thin but I honestly think this book has contributed to my long term success. I didn't like any part of me any more, the book helped me realize that and realize that I needed to like myself in order to have any motivation or hope of bettering myself. It took time and other significant life changes but I learned to like myself again. What was not so healthy was I like myself fat. My stretch marks were filled out so my skin didn't sag, I could eat whatever I wanted and not exercise.

    At my peak around the time my father passed away, I was less than 10 pounds away from my peak pregnancy weight but I wasn't pregnant...

    Last Thanksgiving I decided to start making changes, nothing extreme, no dieting, no gym membership, just manageable changes. I found a calorie tracking app for my iPhone and I targeted losing half a pound per week, which was a reasonable calorie budget of about 1800 calories per day. I started walking.

    I was shocked at how quickly the weight started coming off just by being aware of what I was eating and walking. I'm pretty sure that before I was tracking I must have been eating 3000+ calories per day.

    I also rediscovered my love of the outdoors. I LOVE walking outside!

    By April I was down to 10 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. I was amazed by how well things had gone but it was almost a disembodied feeling. I had no perception of what I looked like or what size I wore. I decided to stop tracking and see if I could keep the weight off without a conscious effort.

    Six months later I'm up five pounds but my clothes still fit and I get more compliments now than when I was working at it, it's kinda like my body has reshaped itself now that my weight stabilized. I've kept my activity level up and even increased it now that I'm strong enough to do more, I actually was surprised to find some arm muscles, I think from gardening and painting!

    I feel AWESOME! I like my body better than I ever have before! Stretch marks from carrying my babies, my boobs are different from breast feeding, I have back fat I have no idea how to get rid of... but I KNOW every inch of my body, I accept what is there is there because of how I treated myself and choices I made. I accept love and appreciation of my body from others, even though I know I'm not perfect. Pre-pregnancy if someone complimented me I would say, thanks but I can't lose that last 5 pounds; today when I get a compliment I smile, say thanks and usually I'm happy about it for days :)

    I maybe years healthier than I was a year ago but it is time for me to step things up... I want to be able to swing across the monkey bars with my kids. I want to RUN. I'm going to start a run training program and pushups and other body weight exercises. I'll start tracking calories again but be a little more lenient in how closely I stick to it. If the scale goes down then great, less of me to haul across the monkey bars, but if the scale doesn't budge and I can haul myself across the monkey bars - I'll know how much stronger I've become.

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