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    This is our corner of the Internet. We're happy here. We're definitely "we" -- this blog is a group project. We all post as "My Own". This is where we write the things we can't say on our own blogs for one reason or another. We hope you like it here as much as we do. We hope you'll stick around.


  • Is it bad that when someone goes out of her way to tell me she (it's always "she") likes the Pixies, I immediately assume she is a poser? 


    It's just a bit cliched, no? 

    I guess I'd better delete this from the drafts folder of my regular blog and put it on the other blog. 

    An update!

    I tell you, I can't stop smiling. I've been grinning ear-to-ear all night. I spent most of the day in varying degrees of contact with my new love interest (see post below). A bunch of us all went to lunch together, and then parted ways. Then went to a show -- and finally drinks with just my friend, her actual husband and the fella.

    It was so nice, and I just ... I really just think he's an amazing person.

    I also, against all my natural hesitations, told my friend that I thought her cousin (the fella) was pretty cute too. I'm not good at putting myself out on a limb like that. But I have a lot of people rooting for me on this one, and that makes it easier, maybe.

    I don't really know how to write how fun these past couple of days have been for me. I've really not been interested in anyone in almost a year now. I had one fleeting flirtation with a guy in a park about six months ago, but never saw him again. My problem is I tend to try to leave on a high note. I get in great conversations with people and find them really engaging but then... get intimidated and worried that they are getting bored and suddenly find a reason to dash off, and miss out on what could be something really neat.

    But here I have someone who I believe at the very least finds me interesting -- we have a LOT in common (he ordered my current favourite wine when we went out for drinks -- that's got to be a good sign, right?), and I really want to get to know him better.

    I'm just not sure where it goes from here. I will see my friend/his cousin regularly for the next two weeks, but not necessarily him. We definitely kind of went out on a date tonight, and he makes me all squeal-y but he didn't ask me out. That's okay, I'm not expecting the moon or anything, and to be fair I don't think word has gotten back that I'm interested.

    But it leaves me with a bit of a question mark looming above my head.
    I had a great night, a great day, and I want more...

    But I don't want to go the Facebook route.
    And I'm not sure where to go from here.

    Dear internetz: what do you think?

    So I met this guy the other night.

    Some of us were having drinks and this girl I know told her cousin to come along after his salsa class. When they came through the door, I was shocked. I thought he was her husband and I swelled up with pride for her and thought "wow, she's amazing -- she's built a happy family with this man in a wheelchair"

    I'm not really proud that's what I thought when I first saw him, but it's the truth. On one hand, it really would have been an amazing, incredible feat. She's got 4 little kids and fosters other ones every now and then, and that would be a lot to juggle, even if neither parents were in a wheelchair. But on the other hand, how absolutely rude is it for me to think it would be a compromise on her part? How short-sighted to think "wow, he must really be a great guy to make their relationship worth that obstacle!"

    Of course, it turns out, the guy wasn't her husband. He was her cousin.
    And of course, it turns out, he's super nice, and smart.
    Not to mention good looking (dare I say it?) in spite of the wheelchair.

    It also turns out I actually knew who the guy was. He's well-known where I live, he's been raising money for Muscular Dystrophy. He has a catchy name for his cause, and eventually I put the two together.

    So he's driven too.
    And finds a way to go to a salsa class even though he's in a wheelchair (he can walk with a cane -- I later found this out).

    All of those things are very very very attractive to me.

    Tonight, his cousin comes up to me and tells me as soon as the left the day before, he told her he thought I was cute and such. He of course asked her not to tell -- but she couldn't resist.

    When she told me, I just blushed many shades of scarlet and I couldn't stop grinning. I had a feeling he was interested, but it's always hard for me to read that line between guys who find me amusing, and those who are actually interested.

    We happen to be going to be at the same place again tomorrow night. I'll see him again for sure. It feels like it's been so long since I've done this, I'm not even sure how to deal with it. I'm so used to being around married people that I've stopped trying to figure out how this dating thing is supposed to work.

    And while I'm hardly a traditionalist, I really do hope he asks me out.
    I am planning to break up with a friend. She doesn't know, or maybe she's planning to do the same to me.

    I really like her. At least I like the idea of her. The reality just isn't working. I've been thinking for at least a year that it was time to pull the plug, but I didn't want to do it. Like I said, I really like the idea of being friends with her. But I think it's time. I'm sick of arguing and waiting for the next argument and watching her argue with others.

    I imagine that she is thinking the same about me.

    I'm going to start slowly, by not initiating e-mails or responding to her Facebook posts. I'm far too timid to really pull the plug all at once. I'll know she has the same plan if this really is the end.

    And then it won't have to be weird. I really don't want it to be weird. I don't want to be enemies. I just don't want to be friends.

    Sunny days.  Makes everything seem so much brighter! (Go figure.)

    My husband is awesome… everyday I’m happy to have him in my life (even when he drives me batty!)

    So, I finally got a message back from my friend who was upset with me.  Apparently, I’m not a very good friend… or not the friend that she’s wanted me to be over the past several years since I moved away.  To put it in her words, it’s just not working for her as she’s never felt that her needs have come first. 


    She wanted time to think before we talked, but also said that when I was ready to listen to let her know.  So I let her know (after about a month), and also expressed my regret that I’ve handled all this poorly.  This apparently was also the wrong thing to do, as she ended up feeling pressured to talk to me and I wasn’t respecting her need for time.  Apparently, reaching out to her and letting her know how much I care about her and value our friendship was also very wrong, as she felt that it was about my need to make it better, not a genuine desire to express my love for her and to make her feel loved.  (Apparently, she gets a message from me and vacillates between annoyance and indifference.  Nice.)  She is a pretty great person, but she’s not perfect.  No one is… but I accepted and loved her as she was because that’s what you do, isn’t it? 


    You know, I get what she’s saying and I feel somewhat remorseful for not being the kind of friend or giving the kind of support she wanted or needed throughout the past 16 years of our friendship (oh yes, it goes back that far.)  But my question is, if it’s been bothering her for THAT long, why didn’t she say anything about it before now?  Why let it get to this point?  Surely, in a true and open friendship, you wouldn’t let this fester, nor would you give up on the friendship that easily. 

    While I’m a bit sad, I’m relieved at the same time.  It has provided closure… and I’m very sorry that she felt pressured to talk to me, but now, like she’s doing – I’ll have to put myself first and unfortunately that doesn’t include her in my life right now. 

    I accepted a new job today.

    I am very excited. Apprehensive about telling people, but still excited.

    My husband has a best friend. They've been best friends for over half their lives, and I've come to love him like a brother. 
    But this guy has got the worst taste in women EVER.
    Over the years, he has brought a parade of losers into our lives, convinced in each case that this one was the one with whom he would share his life. There was the clingy one, the bitchy one, the stupid one (no, seriously - dumber than a box of HAMMERS and thought Jerry Springer was quality television), the crazy one, the one that I think he found in a trailer park with tires on the roof.
    And then there's the latest one. The one who chose yesterday to use a racial epithet in casual conversation among our group of friends. I've decided to call her "The Bigot." Lovely.
    I'm hoping that this one will go the way as all the rest, because it seems very obvious at this point that she and I will never be friends. For our friend's sake, I will try my best not to be overtly rude to her, but seriously - a racial epithet. In mixed company. With people you don't really know from Adam. Great judgement, there, dude.

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