I am separated after several years of marriage, I have kids, it is not easy for me to get out and meet men. Where do I go? Who do I go with? My friends are all attached and I am too big a chicken to go out on my own. So I thought I'd try online dating.
Creepy guys with nice pictures and profiles make sexual advances online - ewww. I asked one guy if it works and he said yes, he meets more women through online dating than he would in the bar - shock! I did a search for women locally and they seem normal, like me, recognized a couple - will I get so desperate one day as to take one of those creeps up on his offer?
Guys who seem nice through online chatting are too chicken to meet in person - REALLY!?! If you want an online relationship why are you chatting with women within 75km of your home? If I want an online relationship that I don't ever plan to develop in real life I will certainly choose someone out of country!
I live in a small town so one of my initial fears quickly became a reality - someone recognized me. Someone with a vague profile and no picture who wrote that he works in the same building as I do... Stalker? Deleted my profile! A friend helped me track him down, I met him for coffee and suggested he not do that again - nice guy with a relationship history far more complex than my own (which is pretty complex, I'm not denying it). I don't think we'll see each other again other than to say Hi when waiting for the elevator.
I know several people now who have married the person they met online, so I had to try again.
This time I made a vague profile and used a landscape picture instead of a personal one ( a no-no in the online dating world, you can be reported ). It gave me an immense sense of freedom. I sent several messages telling men they had awful profile pictures, the sorry looking guys who've taken pictures of themselves with webcams, the guy in the Hustler t-shirt, the guy using a picture of a blender instead of himself. I chatted with other divorced/separated men, yeah, all they wanted to do was chat - no suggestion to meet, no request for a picture - do they really feel that online relationships can fulfill something that relationships in real life cannot? Creepy guys didn't contact me beyond suggesting I post a picture.
The range of people using online dating has truly astounded me. I was expecting to be the target market, 30-something starting over. People from 20 to 65, all races, various levels of employment/salaries, relationship histories. There are a lot of lonely people in the world.
I learned how to search various ways, who has looked at my profile, who is new, who fits my criteria, it was a good learning experience. I've learned that many men do not know what country or state/province they live in or are unable to select it correctly in the online application. Seriously! What hope do they have of EVER meeting someone online?
I chatted with a guy via Instant Messaging - not many actually seem to use that feature. We were having a nice enough chat and then the small town syndrome reared it's head again - he works with my ex, buh-bye.
Eventually I had to put my real picture up. It did not seem fair that some people put themselves out there and I act like an online heckler. The creeps have returned.
I met a guy for coffee, he was nice but seemed overwhelmed by the fact that I have children and am an employed professional - did he not read my profile?
I've reached a status quo, no substantial chatting. Unfortunately my OCD tendencies have left me unable to stop checking for messages or searching for new guys. Debating on deleting my profile but what if Mr. Right signs up tomorrow?
I am building a real social network again. Asking friends to introduce me to their other single friends. Having a real social life is much more rewarding then life online but life online can continue without much effort.
3 comments:
Great post. Good luck in your search.
When I moved to a new country, I also joined an online dating service here. I had many similar experiences as yours and I experienced some brutal rejections from guys that seemed pretty decent. I was stood up, I was nearly assaulted by someone who thought I was "a good time girl" (a good pair of spiky heels sorted that fellow out quick smart) and I (unfortunately) broke a couple of hearts. I did meet someone on there, and we dated for a couple of months. The relationship ran its course in time and ended quite unceremoniously. For all that... if I needed to, I'd do it again. It was great fun and I did meet some great guys. Good luck on your search and enjoy the ride! :)
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