It’s been nearly two years since we’ve started trying to have kids. In that time, most of my close friends and family have had kids… and while I’m happy for them, it does feel like I’m getting kicked in the guts each and every time. My sister-in-law had her baby today. I’m organising a baby shower for a dear friend… and every day, I feel more and more hopeless, and I’m just tired really. Tired of trying, tired of being disappointed, tired of crying, tired of pretending that I’m okay with it, tired of being angry at God for letting dirty tramps and child abusers have kids and not me, tired of making my dear sweet husband worry about me, tired of taking my temperature and having sex at the ‘right’ time whether we want to or not and tired of well meaning people who keep asking when we’re going to have kids because “You’re not getting any younger you know!” Just so tired. So tired in fact, that I’m almost ready to give up, which breaks my heart just as much as not having any luck yet… I’m heartbroken and tired. It’s not a happy place to be.
5 comments:
(((HUGS)))
You can only do what you can, don't feel bad about something you can't control. Consider adoption, there are so many kids in the world who need a family to love them.
I've been in your shoes. I feel your pain. Just know you are not alone. And, punching the next person who asks "when are you going to have a baby" also helps. :) Big hug my friend. Although, I will tell you and I'm sure others will also, we finally ended up getting pregnant when we gave up. I hid the themometer, locked the door, took the phone off the hook, and spent an entire weekend at home with my husband. We never left the house, never even got dressed to be honest. It was the most relaxed I felt in 2 years. I'm not saying this will work for you, but it sounds like you need a mind break. Take a vacation in your own home and tell everyone to fuck off. You deserve it, and I am sure your husband does as well. No drug is going to work if you are soo stressed out you don't know which way is up. Take if from someone who has been there. Happy sex weekend! xo
Thanks guys... everything you say is absolutely right, but still so very hard.
Thank goodness for this secret blog. You guys are amazing. x
I have no clue what you must be feeling, but I sure want to reach out and give you a hug!
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