3
We all have our own challenges and walls to climb, which can feel insurmountable to each of us… but I found out today that a good friend of mine has cancer… somehow, makes most of my problems seem a little less significant. She’s so optimistic and positive it makes my heart ache for a good outcome for her and her two boys. I need a hug.
I need to make new friends, I need to find a best friend.
I have friends but I've realized that I am none of their best friends. When I realized this about my oldest friend, I was inclined to feel hurt, but I wasn't - just cause we've been friends FOREVER doesn't make us best friends - we have different interests, her best friend shares more of her interests. When I think of all my friends and contemplate each of their circles of friends, there is not one I want to become a bigger part of, no acquaintances that make me think, "I should get to know her/him better." So how, as an adult, with a busy work and family life and many solitary interests, do I make new friends???
I've been dating a fellow lately, not long, so things are still kind of new.
We had our first sleep-over last night, spent more or less 24 hours straight together. And it was really nice, kind of a test though. Those things always are. Can we tolerate each other for that long. Will we have enough to talk about, how will making meals work? Will we fight? All in all, it went really well. But is always kind of awkward, at this stage. You want to pretend, as a woman, that you just effortlessly roll out of bed in the morning looking fabulous. That you didn't go out and buy a brand new razor so your legs would be ultra-smooth. That you didn't hide a compact of pressed powder in the bathroom "just in case" you look like a yeti come morning. Some things just take time. But I felt fine washing off my makeup last night. I didn't even put any on this morning. I doubt he noticed. However, the one thing I really really really hate doing in front of a guy is get dressed. I'm not going to lie. I've got plenty of boob to work with. And I swear, the least attractive thing in the world has to be me putting on a bra. It is like watching sausages getting made. Some things just shouldn't be seen. As a young, married woman moving more and more into adulthood, I'm starting to notice that people (mostly older friends, co-workers and family) have a tendency toward getting all up in my business acting like they know more about me than I do. I'll have conversations in which I say, "I'm not really interested in buying a house" and the automatic response is a knowing smile and a, "Oh, you just wait, you'll change your mind". Or I'll say, "I don't like children, my husband and I don't plan on having any and we're perfectly comfortable with that decision" and it will be met with, "You say that now, but you'll change your mind. I said that when I was your age, too." And, granted, I understand that I probably will, in fact, change my mind about many things in my life (although I'm skeptical about ever changing my mind on the child thing), and I also understand that there are people in my life who have been through more experiences than I have and may perhaps know more about life situations. It doesn't make it any less annoying, though, when the 10th person voices the exact same doubts about my own life decisions. When did it become socially acceptable to blatantly contradict someone about how they feel? It feels as worthless and as petty of a statement as if my friend were to say, "Oh, I hate broccoli" and I were to respond, "Oh, you say that now, but someday you'll love it! Everyone does!" It's even more annoying when it comes from the people in my life who are younger than I am and/or haven't even yet experienced serious relationships, marriage, living by themselves, etc.
I have a date tonight :) :) :)
I *really* like this guy. We've seen each other off and on since August. The past month has been off... I was really hurt he wasn't contacting me. This was the third and longest stretch of me not hearing from him. Is my excitement about seeing him a sign of how crazy about him I am? Or is it a sign of how crazy I am to open myself up to be hurt again? I work hard on not being hung up on him, even dating other people. Unfortunately those dates end with me missing him. We are so comfortable around one another. Humour is not easy for me but I make him laugh and he makes me laugh. We can talk about very serious topics as though we've known each other for years. What is most strange is that when I'm having a bad day and we're on, he makes me talk, helps me feel better even though I've tried to push him away. When we're on, he's the best boyfriend ever. When we're off, I get all bent outta shape, takes a few days for me to straighten myself up again - I did it a little quicker this last time then previous times but it was also a much longer period of non-contact. Even reflecting on our off times, I cannot restrain my excitement - I am SO looking forward to seeing him tonight :) :) :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
|
|
|
Wordpress Theme By : Retro Design Studio
|
