The Web That Is My Own

I'm very proud of my husband. He is truly amazing at times. I would tell him this myself but I'm afraid his ego will inflate his head so much he would simply float away. Then I'd be alone and sad.

I was getting ready for bed tonight when my mother-in-law showed up at the door to my house.

She did not want to visit. She wanted to poop in my toilet.

Am I just out of touch with society, or is this not quite normal?

So my parents are visiting me in my tiny little 800-square foot apartment for the next two weeks. Well, my mother, technically, is here for three weeks, but is spending one traveling the countryside.
I was really really looking forward to them visiting, even though I don't have a lot of space for everyone.
But I had forgotten how toxic they can be towards one another.
My sister and I have never understood why they don't just get divorced. They don't even seem to like one another, let alone love each other.
And I hate conflict. It makes me so uneasy, I get nauseous ...
And when it's family conflict, all I want to do is bawl.

Right now, my father is in some kind of snit and won't even talk to my mom. It was over -- get this -- him being hungry and wanting to eat. But in the process of not talking to my mom, he's not really talking to me either. And I have to try so hard not to take sides, be just as friendly to him as I am to her (even though he just grunts or gives me one-word answers back to my non-stop, let's not sit in silence questions).

They may be used to hating each other, but I'm not used to being a referee.

I'm so sick of the two of them acting like teenagers.

I'm young, and I've always been blessed with thinness and a fast metabolism. So... I've never been as body-conscious as I am now. I can feel it. I'm getting a little older, picking up a little extra where my flat stomach and thinner thighs used to be. I've never had to exert effort in my life to keep thin and reasonably fit (I know, I know, I'm thankful), so I'm at a loss right now as to what to do. I know I should get more exercise. I little walking, a little running, maybe some weights or crunches. I know I could probably eat a little better.

But. I need motivation. I need to get myself into a habit, into liking the exercise. It's a sticky situation. I have no will power or motivation to start or keep going, but at the same time, I hate watching my body change like this when I know a marginal amount of effort will keep me in better health, trimmer and happier. I hope I don't sound too whiny.

A little help from the secret bloggers? Any advice on how to exercise and eat well without making it a chore? Things you like to do? Websites or books that have helped you?

I just bought haemorrhoid cream for the first time in my life.

This came after days of denial and surreptitious Google searches (speaking of which, BTW, OMG, you should NEVER EVER GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH THAT, OMG OMG). Tonight I decided it was time to buy cream.

I couldn't go during the day. Too many people. After supper, I drove to the OTHER pharmacy. The one where I do not buy my own medical supplies. There was still a chance I'd be seen, but there was no way to reduce the risk to zero.

The cream is in the same aisle as the Tylenol, which was handy, because I could pretend to be studying the painkiller bottle while I was actually sizing up a box of something called Anusol. (THAT IS NOT EVEN A FREAKING JOKE OMG OMG.) There were several different formulations of Preparation H, so I grabbed the cooling and refreshing gel. (OMG OMG.)

I strolled nonchalantly up to the counter, where I had to look for a cashier. Because it was imperative that I be able to purchase my haemorrhoid cream. I found a giggly young girl who, although she really would have preferred spending her evening texting her friends, was willing to check me out. She took my money and gave me my change, and I fumbled with my change purse.

And she just stood there, watching me.

I sort of thought she would put it into a bag so I would be able to preserve SOME of my dignity on my way out of the store, but apparently not. She did not want to touch the box of Preparation H. I can't say that I blame her, considering that I did not want to touch it, buy it, be seen with it, take it home, open it, and slather it all over my haemorrhoids but WE CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT WE WANT OMG OMG.

I stuck it into my purse and made a run for the door, hoping to God Almighty that the security guard would not stop me and ask what I was doing.

My husband comes home after work. He says, "Pizza for supper again? I'm getting sick of eating the same things for supper. "

I respond, "But I did not make supper. I made myself something to eat and made some extra for you because I love you. If you don't want any, that's ok. The kitchen is that way. "

I think I want to quit my blog. There are a few reasons for this, but mostly I'm just uninspired. Big sigh.......

When my husband rambles at the mouth and pisses me off, I just start making reference to how small his penis is. It shuts him up every time. It funny, too, since his quite well endowed.

I have pretty much abandoned my blog. My real one. And I think I like it.

I've posted almost nothing for weeks. I didn't feel like I had to. I was out, living in the world. And I liked it.

I wonder if my blog is keeping me from actually experiencing things.