This came after days of denial and surreptitious Google searches (speaking of which, BTW, OMG, you should NEVER EVER GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH THAT, OMG OMG). Tonight I decided it was time to buy cream.
I couldn't go during the day. Too many people. After supper, I drove to the OTHER pharmacy. The one where I do not buy my own medical supplies. There was still a chance I'd be seen, but there was no way to reduce the risk to zero.
The cream is in the same aisle as the Tylenol, which was handy, because I could pretend to be studying the painkiller bottle while I was actually sizing up a box of something called Anusol. (THAT IS NOT EVEN A FREAKING JOKE OMG OMG.) There were several different formulations of Preparation H, so I grabbed the cooling and refreshing gel. (OMG OMG.)
I strolled nonchalantly up to the counter, where I had to look for a cashier. Because it was imperative that I be able to purchase my haemorrhoid cream. I found a giggly young girl who, although she really would have preferred spending her evening texting her friends, was willing to check me out. She took my money and gave me my change, and I fumbled with my change purse.
And she just stood there, watching me.
I sort of thought she would put it into a bag so I would be able to preserve SOME of my dignity on my way out of the store, but apparently not. She did not want to touch the box of Preparation H. I can't say that I blame her, considering that I did not want to touch it, buy it, be seen with it, take it home, open it, and slather it all over my haemorrhoids but WE CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT WE WANT OMG OMG.
I stuck it into my purse and made a run for the door, hoping to God Almighty that the security guard would not stop me and ask what I was doing.
3 comments:
A singing coach told me that she uses haemorrhoid cream on her throat because, well, it reduces swelling, so it can help injured vocal chords. (Yes, it's applied externally.) Perhaps you could nonchalantly imagine that you are using it for this other purpose in order to stare down the next cashier. Not that you'll ever, ever have to buy another tube, of course.
mahahahhahah!! Thanks for sharing your embarrassing moment!
You can also use that cream to remove bags under your eyes. And if it's any consolation, I've experienced the same embarrassment when buying lube. Lol
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