The Web That Is My Own

I don't like children. They're loud, and usually smelly, and they don't have much to say that's interesting to me. While I respect people who like kids and have the patience to deal with them, and I absolutely recognize the importance of having such people in the world, I'm not one of them, and I don't think I should have to apologize for it.

So don't assume that because you love your kid and think he or she is the best thing since sliced bread, that I should feel the same way you do. To me, your kid is not a unique and special snowflake whose very presence in the world brightens our existence and makes the angels sing. To me, they're just loud. And usually smelly. It's not personal - I'll probably think they're fabulous once they're grown and have something interesting to say. But in the meantime, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep them away from me. Really - it's best for everyone.