I don't necessarily like that the only things I can think of to post are kind of petty little nigglies about an ex boyfriend.
But that's part of what makes the secret blog secret. His mom reads my REAL blog and I don't want to be a total bitch... or really admit that some things still bother me.
Annoyance #1.) the man and I broke up because of a couple different reasons, the main one being he really didn't want to commit to anything serious. A year and a bit later, he has a baby.
Annoyance #2.) -- very closely tied to annoyance #1.) they moved in together shortly after we broke up and have bought a house together.
Annoyance #3.) I'm not that vain, but seriously, I am better looking than her.
Annoyance #4.) They produced an ugly child. Hopefully it will get better looking with age.
Okay, maybe that last one isn't so much of an annoyance. Maybe it's a little bit of an observation that makes me want to do a happy-dance.
I am fully aware that I'm not able to let this go because really, I can't get over MYSELF. I can't see what in the world makes this woman better than me, more worthy of commitment than me. I can't stand the thought that I could possibly be THAT intolerable.
Adding insult to injury is the fact that I really do know that when we were together, he was no catch. Now, he may have stopped drinking now (and only by court order, I might add), and I know that I needed to NOT be in that relationship anymore...
But I can't help but feel that little sting.
Because I really did love him.
But that's part of what makes the secret blog secret. His mom reads my REAL blog and I don't want to be a total bitch... or really admit that some things still bother me.
Annoyance #1.) the man and I broke up because of a couple different reasons, the main one being he really didn't want to commit to anything serious. A year and a bit later, he has a baby.
Annoyance #2.) -- very closely tied to annoyance #1.) they moved in together shortly after we broke up and have bought a house together.
Annoyance #3.) I'm not that vain, but seriously, I am better looking than her.
Annoyance #4.) They produced an ugly child. Hopefully it will get better looking with age.
Okay, maybe that last one isn't so much of an annoyance. Maybe it's a little bit of an observation that makes me want to do a happy-dance.
I am fully aware that I'm not able to let this go because really, I can't get over MYSELF. I can't see what in the world makes this woman better than me, more worthy of commitment than me. I can't stand the thought that I could possibly be THAT intolerable.
Adding insult to injury is the fact that I really do know that when we were together, he was no catch. Now, he may have stopped drinking now (and only by court order, I might add), and I know that I needed to NOT be in that relationship anymore...
But I can't help but feel that little sting.
Because I really did love him.
3 comments:
I don't know the time-line on this exactly, but if it's been about a year since he broke up with you AND he has a baby, things moved pretty fast with that new woman. If this man is as commitment-wary as you say, did you consider that maybe it's not something he actually wants and that it's an annoyance to him?
If the pregnancy was an accident, it's possible that she decided to keep the child and he feels pressured into remaining with her for the kid - possibly the exact opposite of what he truly wants. Maybe it's not so happily ever after as you might imagine. It's a nice little vindictive thought, in the same way that me realizing my ex is a jerk is a nice little vindictive thought.
Then again, it could be that strange working of love and attraction that makes some completely weird things appealing and some pretty normal things unappealing. Even if the truth is that somehow he does want her more than you, take heart and remember one thing - why would you ever want to be with someone who didn't love you/want you as much as you love/want him? It still hurts (it might always hurt), but it's something to think on.
What a wonderful way of situating it. I only really get pissy when I get bored and look at Facebook. Most of the time I genuinely hope his life is the way he wants it to be. I do want him to be happy.
Just bitter some times?
Again, thank you!
I know exactly what you mean - it's all fine until you get the reminders. Facebook is something like moderate torture. When my ex and I first broke up (I was the one who broke up with him), he was (rightfully) bitter and did all sorts of untagging of photos with us both in them and unfriending and blocking as our breakup got worse. Since then, it's mellowed out and although I've moved on and do want him to be happy, seeing us grow apart while he grows closer to others still hurts. But I can't bear to unfriend and then not know.
Post a Comment